Belonging

I have always felt a bit out of place everywhere I go. In high school, I was never a part of the "cool crowd". I desperately tried to fit in, though, I failed. I also was never a part of the "reject" group. I did tend to lean more towards the latter of the two groups because it felt safe. I am older now, in college... and I still don't really "fit" anywhere. Sure, I have friends; however, I have a hard time fully expressing my inner being. I come across, I believe as rather ditzy, and not of high intelligence, because it's easier that way. It is easier to act as if I'm happy, and lacking brain cells, than it is to be real. There is a something quite vulnerable to admitting you feel, and hurt, and break.

I live in Colorado SPrings attending school, yet I do not feel that it is my home. About once a month I find myself visiting my family on the other side of the mountain... that isn't really home either. WHere is my home? People say home is where the heart is... well, what if your heart is broken? Does your home reside within the individual who took your love away? Perhaps no one is ever home. Perhaps we are just taking up space.